BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER
Dear Wife,
I’m
writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a
good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2
weeks have been hell. … Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job
today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even
notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favourite meal & even wore a
brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to
sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me any more;
you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either
you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me any more; whatever the case, I’m
gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S.
don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia
together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing
has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have
been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve
been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining
& griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a haircut
last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’
Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice,
I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten
me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About
those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was
still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just
borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you &
felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I
quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were
gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling
life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you
won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.
Post a Comment